I Need a Nap

It’s a measly 7 am here and while I really should be in bed asleep, I’ve already been awake for 4 long hours. Usually I am pretty lucky and fall back asleep after an hour or two when I wake up in the middle of the night but that wasn’t happening for me this time.

I tried the normal tactics that usually get me back to where I want to be like use the bathroom, get a drink, readjust my pillows, none of them worked this time though.

I just couldn’t get comfortable. There were people coming and going on the street outside right below my window. The hallway light was turned up a bit too brightly and despite the glare giving me a terrible headache, I didn’t have the energy to get up again to shut it off.

For what felt like an hour, all I could think about was how horrible Huz was to us last year and then I became scared of how hard and fast my heartbeats were. I tried breathing and meditation to slow my heart rate down and clear my mind but neither worked, so in fear of having a full-blown anxiety attack, I made my way back downstairs at 6.

Thinking that eating something might work in putting me back to sleep I put 2 pieces of pizza in the toaster oven and then I noticed the half-empty bottle of wine on the counter.

Alcohol and sleep don’t mix well. I rarely do drink anymore for this reason and a few others but yesterday I decided I wanted a glass of wine and then got on the phone and gabbed with my friend for a few hours. I suppose all the gabbing was making my mouth dry because I sure had more than one glass of wine.

At the time I wasn’t thinking about how much I was drinking, but when I noticed what was left in the bottle on the counter this morning, I became quite irritated with myself. I suppose we all have our moments and mine are becoming fewer and far between but I do feel badly about myself when I drink more than I should.

My therapist told me I am self medicating when I do this, and even though it’s counter-productive now, it has served me well at least once before, otherwise I’d not ever do it. I guess that makes sence. She says that about a lot of the behaviors I am working on. They’ve all been helpful at one time or another, they just aren’t helpful anymore.

Learning how to replace old coping mechanisms and behaviors with new ones is hard work but I know it will get easier the more I practice and become more aware of myself.


14 thoughts on “I Need a Nap

  1. It’s not easy, I know. I’ve been up since three AM myself and am frequently running on 2-4 hours of sleep. My doctor gave me Lunesta. It helps, sometimes. Most of the time, I use the time to write chapters in my book. I’ve found I can be frustrated or functioning and I much prefer to be productive. Thankfully I don’t have a “normal” job and can take naps frequently.

    Hope you get a nap or three today 🙂

    1. Working is a great idea and a positive use of time. I’m glad you get naps, I can’t function at all if I get less than 4 hours of sleep, I don’t know how you do it.

      I don’t see a nap in my future but hopefully I will zonk out early this evening and sleep through. Fingers crossed!

      1. I’m always exhausted, but it’s almost as if I refuse to sleep. I can’t shut my brain off at night and, even if I take something to sleep, I’m wide awake in a couple of hours. I ALWAYS intend to take a nap, but, again, I just can’t seem to fall asleep. My joints and muscle need to rest, not to mention my brain!

  2. I can empathize … in previous years, while still working, and needing sleep to be quick-witted in my middle school classroom, I often lay awake thinking about the next day, wondering what i might have forgotten to worry about, and then worrying about forgetting things that needed worrying.

    Since retiring, I sleep better, and much later in the mornings. I sleep peacefully. I dream worries, but when i wake up, I know they are just dreams, and not worth worrying about while awake. I walk lighter, with fewer burdens on my shoulders.

    I’ve learned to shrug.


    1. Worrying is a huge burden, isn’t it? I am working hard at trying not to worry so much but I sometimes can’t stop it at all. It’s especially hard at night maybe because it’s so quiet. I used to keep the tv on so the sounds would drown out my thoughts. I thought that was causing me to wake up during the odd hours though. I don’t remember my dream anymore, I get the occasional nightmares, which are always memorable, but I wish I could trade them in for remembering any good dreams!

      It’s nice to meet you, thanks for commenting and including your link, I’m heading over to your spot right now 🙂

      1. haiku shows nature
        second line has seven beats
        third line must be seen

        Okay, that’s a poor excuse for haiku, but you get the idea. What I hadn’t known was that the third line must be a very visual image that stays with the reader and provokes thought or recognition. I learned that when I joined a writers’ group at FanStory.com. Great poets and poems there, and great feedback for everything written. You don’t have to ante up and join to read … just if you want to write and get feedback from the other writers there. I wrote my book, Multiple Sclerosis an Enigma, chapter by chapter, day by day, and really benefited from the excellent critiques I received from dedicated readers.

        Oh, and I added your site to my blog list 🙂


        1. Thanks for the rules! I am going to practice and maybe suprise David with one lol

          I will check out the website above and I’d like to thank you for your website!

          I read through it yesterday and found a lot of great tips on self-publishing. From there I researched some of the links you provided for about an hour! I’m still working on my book, but knowing a little about what I am going to do with it makes me feel good.

          Thank you for adding me to you list of reads, I am going to add yours as well! Have a great day and I look forward to building a friendship with you 🙂

  3. I know how bad going on without sleep can be. I unlike you, stay up really late because I can’t go to sleep and since I have to get up real early I wind up sleeping 5 hours or less.
    Changing coping mechanisms is not easy, it takes time and patience. Wishing you luck with both

    1. It’s terrible not getting good sleep isn’t it? So many people have this problem it really is a shame. You are such a busy woman, I don’t know how you can keep up with everything with such little sleep.
      I hope it gets better for you, but until then, I am here feeling tired with you 🙂

  4. When I can’t sleep I drink a cup of warm chamomile tea. I also like to listen to Debussy turned down so low I have to really concentrate to even hear it. It’s so relaxing, is usually knocks me right out. ~ Lynda

  5. Sorry you had such a long night. When I can’t sleep and the regular tactics fail me (all the same ones you use) — I lump myself in front of the television and watch whatever I can find that’s boring. Maybe infomercials, maybe some bad lifetime movie, whatever. I find that my brain has a sort of defensive mechanism against boring television and I soon fall into a deep, healing sleep.

    1. Thanks, Derek, I will definitely try that next time! Lifetime would probably be perfect for that! Thanks for checking out my blog, I can’t wait to read what you come up with next, you really are funny 🙂

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