It’s become my realization that I’ve been out of commission for the past 3 months or so, only doing the necessities to get by and the bare minimum while eagerly awaiting for this wretched flare to pass.
Since making the decision to stop taking Savella for my Fibromyalgia I’m in the process of learning to manage the pain and fatigue in a different way but it’s left me in a slump a majority of the time. My pain is sometimes absolutely unbearable and my energy level is constantly in the negative.
Is this how my life is going to be forever? If so, seriously, end it now. Is this just a flare? If so, how much longer is it going to last?
Some day’s are worse than others but overall every day has been really bad. If the pain is tolerable I don’t have an ounce of energy and honestly, every day I feel like I am constantly on the brink of collapsing, therefore maiking even the simplest things, like going upstairs to the bathroom, a big deal.
Despite not having the strength or energy to get things done I have at least made myself do one thing each day. Whether it is cleaning something, cooking a meal, or making it to an appointment on time. It makes me feel better at the end of the day knowing that I did more than just rest. And even though I haven’t done anything above and beyond the requirements of living I am feeling pretty okay with myself because of getting that one thing done. In previous months all I could focus on was what I wasn’t getting done and to think like that did a lot more harm than good.
I wish I could say that today I feel good and that I have energy to really give the house a good cleaning or to go to the market or cook a few meals. I wish I had the energy to give myself a manicure or that the thought of getting a manicure didn’t sound so painful, but still, again, today, I can’t say that. I don’t know if it’s the weather, stress, or the missing meds keeping me in this flare, but I’m beginning to believe that I need to accept this is how it’s going to be.
I should stop waiting for a good day to live life.
I know there are terrible consequences from pushing yourself too hard when you have fibro, or any other similar disease, but I have to wonder, am I pushing myself enough?
I do know that I can’t function like this forever, I’ll never get anything accomplished. I want to live and feel alive again. How can anyone live like this? How hard can you push yourself until it’s not worth it? There has to be a way to get more done.
If any of you have tips on how to accomplish more when your feeling awful, please, please, please share! Any tips or tricks you have about getting a flare into a calm state would be great too.
In the meantime, I’ll be brainstorming… From the couch.