How You Know You’ve Chosen the Right Paint Color

As you’ve probably figured out by now, this has been one big old year of change for me. I finally found the courage to take a stand against my mean husband and ended our 14 year relationship by being firm in the separation, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, lost my job and income of 14 years and pretty much have started a whole new journey in life.

Do I feel sorry for myself at times? You, bet your ass I do, but I’m not letting any of those life altering things bring me down.

In general, I have my good days and I have my bad.

On my bad days, I sit and cry for hours while mourning for my old life, the one that I had with my husband when times were good and the one I had with my body when my health wasn’t bad. I mourn for my career that I had put so much time and dedication into and the pride I felt when I spoke of my successes. I listen to songs that remind me of how I had felt for so long and sob out in sorrow as I sing along.

On my good days, I imagine all the possibilities ahead of me, I realize that I am still so young and I finally have the chance to raise my children in a healthy and stress free environment. I feel strong on my good days and thank the bad ones for making me realize how strong I truly am… Despite being told how weak I was for so many years. I am proud to have broken the cycle that I was too afraid to walk away from and feel excited to think of the kind love I deserve and will find someday. I listen to those sad songs that have cried out my feelings to and feel relieved that I no longer feel trapped in the lyrics anymore.

I tried for so many years to make my marriage work. I thought if I dedicated myself to making it work it would. I did things to change myself, I tried being his perfect wife, to be patient and quiet so that he wouldn’t be so mean all the time. I dragged it out, over and over, telling myself that one day we would just be happy. I thought it took a lot of strength and courage to fight it out and that our relationship would someday become deeper. He only got angrier, more comfortable and cared less. I know that I have given all I had and looking back now I see that I wasn’t very strong until I finally took the stand.

It’s not either one of our faults that we aren’t compatible, we just aren’t and the signs had been there all along. I will always have a love for him and care for him more deeply than can be explained but to be in love with him, that isn’t something I’ve honestly felt in over a decade. That’s not fair to any of us, not to him, to me, or most importantly, to our babes.

Just the other day I thought about all the changes I’ve made to my home. Everything looks so different in here and though I’ve wanted to change things for quite some time, I couldn’t find the inspiration. I think rearranging and redecorating has been a part of the healing process for me. I’ve felt inspired to make changes that suit the life I have desired for so long. A quiet house, a peaceful home. Maybe I’ve made so many changes in an effort to erase all the bad memories, maybe to make me feel stronger, maybe to make us all feel safe.

With every change I’ve made so far when he stops by he doesn’t really say a word. Maybe a shot here and there, but never outright said anything looked bad. Not that I care, because I am making the changes for the kids and I, but I can’t help but take note of his reactions.

Last night, however, was different. He stopped by to switch cars and wandered his way upstairs to talk to Natalie. Then he saw my latest project and wasn’t so happy. I’ve switched rooms with my son and picked a color that my soul gravitated towards. I didn’t ask his opinion as I did in our old room, I am creating the room for me. For my sanity, for my pleasure, and for my peace. He’s not coming back and I believe this change is the one that will make him really start to accept it.

He came downstairs after talking to Natalie and said to me, “That color you picked… You might as well have squirted this all over the walls,” pointing to the mustard on the table. He snarled and tried to make me insecure with his obnoxious degrading laugh,”it’s awful.”

My reply, through an honest smile, was simply, “I love it, it’s the perfect color for me.”

There are still a lot of things I am doing to my new master mistress bedroom, but here is a little preview of the first step. I’ll update as the project moves along, but to waiting to write until it was completely finished would be a very long time. This is going to be bigger than the bathroom project and the most important one in terms of really letting go of the old “me” and moving on.

It’s such a cheerful, solid  color and perfect for a whole new life filled with joy.

Advertisements

This Works

My brain is not functioning, it’s been a rough few weeks for me and I don’t have it in me to write anything that requires a lot of thought. I am, however, delighted to say that I have crossed 2 things off of my list weekend and one of them was quite possibly the best thing I’ve done this year. I reconnected with an old friend this weekend and I drank no coffee on Saturday.  

Anyway, here is a A-Z list that I found on Musings from the Pigeon’s Nest. I think I can handle this, just don’t quiz me on it later..


A. Age: 33

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore that you hate: I actually like cleaning, it’s theraputic. Don’t laugh

D. Dogs: I don’t have one

E. Essential start to your day: alarm clock, nicotine, caffine and meds… pathetic, I won’t disagree

F. Favorite color: probably deep red

G. Gold or Silver: I’ve been wearing gold lately but I mostly have silver

H. Height: 5.4

I. Instruments you play: air guitar

J. Job title: mama

K. Kids: for sale

L. Live:PA

M. Mother’s name: Cookie

N. Nicknames: Car

O. Overnight hospital stays: a lot

P. Pet peeves: people who tailgate (when driving)

Q. Quote from a movie: can’t think of one

R. Right or left handed: lefty

S. Siblings: 1 sister, 1 brother, 1 brother deceased

U. Underwear: I don’t understand the question

V. Vegetable you hate: lima beans

W. What makes you run late: my blood or genetics or something, I don’t know

X. X-Rays you’ve had: my entire body has been x-rayed at least once, most parts more

Y. Yummy food that you make: my lasagna is my favorite

Z. Zoo animal: haha giraffees and elephants and of course monkeys

Hope you found out something you didn’t already know… Link yours back in the comment box, so I can find out some interesting tidbits too!

Pottery Barn Bird Doorstopper, I’m Smitten!

When I saw the Pottery Barn Bird Doorstopper online a few weeks ago I instantly fell in love. While I was at the store picking up my curtains I asked the sales woman if they had any in stock, but sadly they did not. In fact, she told me they wouldn’t be getting them in the store and it appeared that they had sold out online.

Sold out?! Noooo!

I was very disapointed but thankfully on a recent trip to the website I saw the Bird Stopper listed again with the added bonus of free shipping.

It was a sign!

I ordered it right away in fear that they would sell out again. Looking back now, I’m not sure if the sales woman was looking in the correct place though, because it is still available.

So Cute!

I am so glad I took a risk and ordered it online (which is something I very rarely do) and within 2 days I had the little sweetie in my home.

The Bird Doorstopper is simply adorable and I am happy to say I am moving on up in the adult world with no need to use a random shoe to keep my front door open!

Road Test: Dr. Scholl’s Arthritis Pain Relief Shoe Inserts

Here we go, I’m tweeking my list again…

Originally I was going to test out an anti-aging cream and write a review as a part of my list. I did try one out that I received as a sample from Sephora, but I wasn’t too impressed and I don’t want to spend a ton of money trying different products I still might not be impressed with.

That stuff is quite pricy.

So, instead of writing a negative review on something that I really didn’t use long enough to know the real results are, I decided to review something I do know about.

As you probably know by now, I have Fibromyalgia, a syndrome that creates chronic widespread body pain, along a couple dozen other symptoms. As I am just really learning about this disease and how to cope with it I am trying to find solutions to get me through my everyday that will reduce my discomfort. That being said, the last time I was picking up my prescriptions at my CVS I wandered into the foot care isle somehow and found a product by Dr. Scholl’s claiming it helps arthritis sufferers by relieving some of the pain in their knees, feet and hips.

I'm still cool

Like all other Fibromites out there, I sure do know about all the pains in my knees, feet and hips and any type of relief would be welcome.

I decided to give them a go.

It was a bit risky because they cost $16.00 which isn’t all that much money but it is a lot of money if they ended up being worthless. There is nothing worse than wasting money, am I right? In the past though (when I worked on my feet for 10 hour shifts) I used another one of the Dr. Scholl’s inserts and they really did make the long shifts easier so I knew the product had potential.

I decided to test them out on 2 pairs of shoes on 2 different days.

The first pair were the flats I was wearing that day.

First test

The insoles slipped right into my shoes and once my feet were in I immediately felt a difference. I wore them around the house for about an hour and was pretty satisfied with my investment.

My knees did not feel achy at all, my hips felt less achy and I didn’t notice much about my feet except that the back of the shoe was now rubbing on the back of my foot. This was uncomfortable  (caused by the thickness of the pad raising my heel) and I didn’t want to get a blister so I took them off. 

When I wear them in the flats again I will put a band-aid on my heel because I really do love my flats and the insert was not noticeable at all.

My second test was the winner.

I decided that I would try them out in a pair of my Chucks. I love these classic shoes, but they are completely flat and my legs get super stiff when I wear them these days so they don’t get much use.

Test Two

I had to take Isaac to look for some back to school shoes and I didn’t whimp out or get grumpy from the pain once.

We did a lot of walking.

The most walking I've done in a LONG time without wanting to cry!

My son is extremely into style and he was determined to find the best pair of shoes he could find. It sucked for him that the shoes he really wanted were $120.

Unfortunately, I’m serious.

He had a budget and was having a very hard time finding something in his given price range.  So back and forth we went; it took 6 store visits for him to finally feel satisfied with what he was getting. I got a bit tired, and rested on the benches in each store, but my pain was minimal.

It may have been because I was having a “good” day but I’m convinced it was a combination of both and maybe, just maybe the inserts were giving me the “good” day!

Once we got home, I kept my shoes on for the rest of the day and up until bedtime. Normally, I switch my shoes back and forth about 8 times a day because they get so uncomfortable or I am in so much pain.

All together I had the shoes on for close to 11 hours. Unheard of!!

These inserts are impressive and I highly recommend that you give them a try if you are suffering from Fibromyalgia or Arthritis. Wearing them to “run” errands may actually be somewhat bearable for you, as it finally was for me. 

 Have you tried these Dr. Scholl’s Arthritis Pain Relief Shoe Inserts, and if so, what has your experience been? Would you recommend any other products that make daily living easier and less painful?

R.I.P. Spookers Manhood

Getting Spook fixed was a priority of mine this year for a few reasons but once we decided on getting the new kitten, it became urgent. Before we picked her up, we took him to the vet to get all of his shots, blood tests and a thoro exam.

The vet came back with fantastic news, he is completely healthy, not overweight – just a big cat and big surprise to me, he has no balls!

I was shocked! I thought for sure he did! It looks like they are there, he humps everything like it’s going out of style, basically he is full to the brim with testosterone, or so I thought. Spook is quite the maniac and I was hoping the operation would calm him down a smidge but was worried it would change his awesome personality. How sweet it was to hear that he’d already been fixed!

He's mad that I let his secret out

It’s a relief not having to pay to have him fixed and that his personality won’t change.

As far as him being a wild lunatic, that’s fine, the rest of us in this house are, too; including Silly Lilly.

While we are talking about Lilly I just want to let everyone know she is doing fantastic here, her and Spook are becoming the best of tag and hide and seek pals. Oh and she is super snuggly. This baby girl is just adorable, and when I can get her to sit still for a minute or two I will post some more pictures. Here is the one that came out clear of about 35 shots:

She like's to move it, move it.

Lilly is actually one of those kitties that sleep in really funny places (my neck being her – notmy – favorite) I’ll have to collect some photos of all the funny ways and places she’s been snoozing and make a post out of it so you can see how cute and funny she is.