The other day my mom told me that everyone goes through periods in their life when everything just goes wrong. She assured me this was normal, and unfortunately this was my time. That’s fine, that is news I can handle but when I asked how long this awful period is supposed to last I really hated to hear her answer “1 year.”
First of all, there are no written rules or scientific evidence that bad periods last for a year, it was just a guess on her part. I even bet she said a year so that I wouldn’t be further disappointed with what ever bad news I may receive or obstacles I will face in the upcoming months. When everything could go wrong it does gp wrong. That’s my motto for 2011 anyway.
I am determined to face these blows courageously and gracefully as I have found that feeling overwhelmed, lost, sad, angry and defeated will not get me anywhere differently. My life sucks now, but if I don’t look at each bad thing as something that could be turned positive I will just fall further down the depression hole.
On Monday it was confirmed by my Rheumatologists that I do, in fact, have Fibromyalgia. All of this time I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. I was thinking that I would feel better knowing what it was and sure that it was Fibro but with in a few hours of replaying the conversation between myself and the two very kind and informative doctors I had a panic attack. While I am glad I had three months to do a ton of research on the disease and find some great resources it still hit me like a ton of bricks. I know it hasn’t even fully sunk in yet. I have a chronic disease, there is no cure, and I am going to be in constant pain for the rest of my life.
I suppose the reason I wanted the diagnoses so badly was that I wanted to be able to start to manage the pain better, get better treatment and suggestions and mentally accept the fact that I need to change my entire life. And boy has my life changed already. In just a few months my whole life has been turned upside down and inside out. A girlfriend reminded me that God wouldn’t give me what I couldn’t handle, and she’s right. I have read a lot of blogs written by fibromyalgics that say how drastically their lives have changed, and surprisingly for the better. That is my goal, to somehow change my life for the better, despite having this nightmare of a disease.
In just a few days, under the right treatment I am feeling positive. The doctors gave me trigger point injections right there in the office, which seem to have move some of my spasms. I feel quite a bit of relief in my shoulder blades and even though my stomach has been clenched and my neck is now twisted the relief in my should blades is welcome. They also gave me another prescription, this one a muscle relaxant and sleeping pill which seemed to help last night. The last thing they recommended was to get a moist heating pad as it would penetrate much better, I didn’t understand how much of a difference it would make but picked one up. Wow, what a HUGE difference. I can hardly believe how much better it made me feel compared to my regular heating pad.
I have a ton of stresses in my life, unbelievable stresses that I am facing and need to get under control but I am not going to write about them now as I feel I”ve said enough. There are a lot of ideas and half way plans bouncing around in my head and I am determined to make the best out of every bad situation that is effecting my life. My goal is to have my life back in control and moving forward to the future by the end of the year. I am working on my other blog and would like to have it up and running in the next few weeks. I’ve decided that I am not going to feel sorry for myself in either blog and work hard to bring a positive and humorous spin back into my life. Humor is the best medicine after all, right? Once the site is fully set up I will be refocusing on my list here with at least one entry a week. Blogging makes me happy, all of you make me happy.
I truly hope you are all doing fantastic and can’t wait to see what you have been up to!