Ignoring the Stop Signs

I am determined to make today a good day. I had a good amount of sleep last night and only woke up twice, but that was early in the morning, which is way better than the middle of the night. Before I even got out of bed I did my regular stretches and then a few more, just for good measure. I wasn’t as stiff as I usually am when I take the first few steps, so I think the few minutes of extra stretching helped. My pain level is only about a 5 right now and that’s is as good as it gets so it makes for a good day.

The weather is hot and muggy and that usually sends me soaring into pain, luckly for me, I only have one appointment this afternoon and don’t have a need to be outside other than that. I have the air on and my heating pad ready if it does get to me before the afternoon. I’ve read a lot of articles about the negative effects from the cold weather and fibro and it had me about terrified of what I would be feeling like in the upcoming winter season here, but finally I found an article that stated hot weather can have the same effect as the cold, and usually the “victims of fibro” are only affected by one extreme, not both. I sure hope that is true. I’m going with that train of thought and hoping there will be some releif soon.

My appointment today is with my promary doctor. I am to the point where I want to demand answers from him. I won’t do it meanly but I’ve been living in this hell for three months now and I want to know what to do next. I am scared that it really is fibro, but at the same time, if it’s not fibro, I am scared of what it could be. I mean, if this is residual pain from the fall, it seems to have gone on for far too long. Trauma would take some time to heal (the hospital told me three WEEKS), if it’s spinal cord damage, than why would the Orthopedic say there was no chance that was the issue? I’m scared it’s not fibro too, because, well, it just doesn’t make sence. I suppose I am just scared because I don’t know.

My physical therapists have ordered another 4 weeks of sessions twice a week. After that, my insurance will only cover 8 more times, so I am hoping to be done with it before then. I used to really like my therapy and while it is improving my motor skills and ability to walk, it is no longer relieving any pain, in fact it is creating more pain. Some days after therapy I just cry because I am so sore. I am always exhausted for the rest of the day or night after my sessions. One of my physical therapists gave me a list of sliding scale physiciatrists that she thinks I should meet with. She said that she really thinks it will help with my pain. She said she knows I am being slammed with medical bills and the sliding scale will help cut the cost that my insurance isn’t good for. She also said if I can’t get a cheap enough appointment she will let me drop one day a week because I have progressed well so far and can be trusted with doing my exersizes religiously at home. She thinks mental therapy at this point is just as critical as the physical.

I think I am scared to talk to someone, because I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if they are going to know what to ask me, or if I am supposed to just tell them. I obviously have some issues to deal with, but I don’t know where to start. My pt said that is normal to be scared and that there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. She even let me know that she has a therapist (for different reasons, of course) and was scared to contact them for help at first, but said it has helped her greatly with her issues. She told me to call when I am ready for it, but urged me to call soon because she so stongly thinks it will help. I might as well set up an appointment today. If it will help with this pain than I am foolish not to.

Anyway, since I am set on being positive today, I am going to try to get as much done as I can. There are some dishes to do, laundry to start, bills to pay and a handful of dreaded phone calls to make. I also need to shower and get to the doctors by 2:30pm. I am going to pace myself and if I can get at least half of those things done I will be very pleased with myself when I lay down tonight. Hopefully that will bring me another good day tomorrow.


19 thoughts on “Ignoring the Stop Signs

  1. Good luck with your doctor’s appointment and I hope it will yield some answers! You’ve only been suffering from this for 3 months? Wow, guess your world has been turned upside down in a short period of time…
    Feel better soon!

    1. 3 months and 2 days, it’s been turned completely upside down and I’m ready to move forward. I just want to know how. Thanks for your kind words, I hope you have a great day, Laura!

  2. I see a therapist sometimes (ahem… every other week), because i have this huge giant fear of doing presentations, which is a problem because they are totally unavoidable in what i do. it’s scary at first, and to begin with, i came away with a massive headache each time. But then it started to get easier.

    for me, it works like this, its like my mind is this cloudy water, and then the therapist comes and mixes it up so it’s even cloudier, and then after a while, the particles settle and the water is clearer than it was to begin with.

    now i’m a lot better about the whole presentations thing, and the benefits have spread to other parts of my life.

    I hope today continues at a five (or lower) and that you find lots of things to smile about.

    ps. you can always tell the therapist that your PT made you do it, i find passing the blame makes the whole thing easier… although there probably is some therapy theory for that.

    pps remember you’ll never be the most wacky person they’ll be seeing, i swear my one must get some really… ‘out there’ people the things she says sometimes

    1. Hey Issy, thank you so much for this, your ps’s made me laugh and I will blame my therapist! Your insight made me feel better, like I’m not a wacadoo for needing help. Have a great day!

  3. Hi Ginger – I’m sorry to hear you’re still struggling and scared. 😦 But I’m happy to hear that you’re focusing on positive things – the mind body connection is so very crucial.

    As for therapy… I love it. I have rarely had therapy that did not truly enhance my life or at least allow me to get to know myself better.

    Good luck honey!

    1. Thank you for your encouragement, I have read so much about mind/body connection that it is hard to deny it is real. I’m gonna be a big girl and face it head on. It’s time.

  4. Oh Ginger, you are definitely NOT a “Wacadoo.” I am glad you feel better today and pray for many more low or pain free days for you. Dealing with pain is very hard and perhaps the phych. will be able to give you ways of channeling the pain, or a bit of self hypnosis skills to help you will rest and relaxation. All of which you obviously need at this time.

    While my torn shoulder in no way could be as bad as where you are, I nonetheless understand your pain. And yes, the physical therapists can wreak havoc with your body at times, but even that helps in the long run.

    Have they taught you how to “breathe through the pain” yet?
    Sending blessings for your day and your week,

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your shoulder. Pain is awful. I sometimes wonder if my pt’s hate me and want me to suffer, I know they don’t really but jeeze they have inflicted some pain on otherwise okay days. One of the first things the taught me was to breathe into the pain, they have also taught me meditation, which is helpful in the moment and about 30 minutes afterwards, so I do that 2-3 times a day. Thanks for your support, it means the world to me.

  5. Ginger, I’m sorry to read that you are going through some painful times. We blog and chat but don’t realize what is really going on “behind the scenes”. I wish you well and am glad to read your waking each morning more positive. Therapists and I go way back, beginning with my divorce and then seeking help every now and then when raising kids as a single mother. I found I need to take care of me, emotionally and physically, so that I could take care of them (and not lose my mind in the process) !

    1. Thank you for your kind words, I’m really glad you commented. I’m not sure why I’m so reluctant to get a therapist, I think it’s mostly fear that is holding me back. Admitting things aren’t great has always been an issue of mine. Thanks for encouraging me and saying it will help, I really should just make that dumb call. I didn’t know they would be able to help with the single parent issue, I definetly am getting to the point where I need help before I lose total control of them!

  6. Ginger,

    Thanks for liking my blog… as a writer one of the hardest things I have faced in the 8+ months my symptons have been present, is that I cannot spend much time writing! Some days even 20 minutes causes so much pain and stiffness I must stop. Anyway, I also have a Dr. appnt today. I am ready to ask for a referral to a specialist who is used to dealing with chronic pain, as my current Dr just writes prescriptions and has not even given me so much as a website or brochure regarding FMS.

    I have only been dealing with this a few months longer than you but I can say that our own self determination to stay positive and do all in our power to minimize flare-ups is more powerful than any drug or therapy alone. Instead of posting all my insight here, you have inspired me to blog about it myself. So before I go my do-to list of phone calls, laundry, and a shower as well… I will type up a brief rundown of what has helped and not helped me in the past 6 months or so.

    I look forward to staying connected here!

    1. Thank you so much for returning the visit and the great comment. I also can’t write for longer than 20 or 25 minutes and haven’t spent tine editing what I write as I used to, just because it takes more time. I’m afraid if I chose to come back later I’d completely forget about it and never post it. I’m really glad to have found you and look forward to reading your next entry. I hope you have goodluck at the doctors, we seem to be in a very similar place.

  7. Ginger, I am so glad you’re having a good day out of the bad today. I really feel for you dealing with this, and wish you all the luck at the doctors and in finding some answers/resolutions/or things to rest your mind as well as your body.
    I don’t know whether I missed you answering some of this, and please don’t answer if I am asking too much, but did all this just out of nowhere and spring on you, or was it a gradual progression?
    It scares me that sometimes somethings in life and in our health are so out of our control…
    Much love x

    1. The pain started when I was injured by Huz. I think it was triggered at that point, but I’m not certain. I had a lot of time to think back over the past and realize that I think it may have been gradually coming out but the fall really threw it into what it is today. I’ve had a lot of unexplained lower backache, neck aches, headaches, weird elbow pains, numbness in my arms, pain in my wrists and hands and sharp knee pains over the course of the last year or so but not all at once and the pains weren’t that severe. I chalked it up to sinus headaches, allergies, past injuries, pinched nerves and the like. Through out my life I’ve always had random aches and pains so I didn’t think all of those things really meant anything. I still don’t know if they did. I think it makes sense and it would explain why the fall would have created such terrible pain when nothing was broken or fractured. I really don’t know though. I haven’t an answer today, unfortunately, just a prescription for a higher dosage of medication and a referral to a Rheumatoid, I’ll write another post later today or tomorrow .

      1. Ginger thanks so much for your reply. I can understand how if you had on and off pain in different places it would be easy to not find this out earlier. I do hope there is some resolutions for you soon though.
        Thoughts to you.

  8. Hi, howz it been going, where your docs’ news so bad that you are now in shock? I hope not. I hope you re feeling better, too, and that your condition is not worsening during this 100 above degrees heat wave on the East Coast… 😦
    Just wanted to drop by and let you know that your new theme inspired my to copy-cat it and fit it onto my page. hehe
    Where you able to open a new blog, btw?

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