I am determined to make today a good day. I had a good amount of sleep last night and only woke up twice, but that was early in the morning, which is way better than the middle of the night. Before I even got out of bed I did my regular stretches and then a few more, just for good measure. I wasn’t as stiff as I usually am when I take the first few steps, so I think the few minutes of extra stretching helped. My pain level is only about a 5 right now and that’s is as good as it gets so it makes for a good day.
The weather is hot and muggy and that usually sends me soaring into pain, luckly for me, I only have one appointment this afternoon and don’t have a need to be outside other than that. I have the air on and my heating pad ready if it does get to me before the afternoon. I’ve read a lot of articles about the negative effects from the cold weather and fibro and it had me about terrified of what I would be feeling like in the upcoming winter season here, but finally I found an article that stated hot weather can have the same effect as the cold, and usually the “victims of fibro” are only affected by one extreme, not both. I sure hope that is true. I’m going with that train of thought and hoping there will be some releif soon.
My appointment today is with my promary doctor. I am to the point where I want to demand answers from him. I won’t do it meanly but I’ve been living in this hell for three months now and I want to know what to do next. I am scared that it really is fibro, but at the same time, if it’s not fibro, I am scared of what it could be. I mean, if this is residual pain from the fall, it seems to have gone on for far too long. Trauma would take some time to heal (the hospital told me three WEEKS), if it’s spinal cord damage, than why would the Orthopedic say there was no chance that was the issue? I’m scared it’s not fibro too, because, well, it just doesn’t make sence. I suppose I am just scared because I don’t know.
My physical therapists have ordered another 4 weeks of sessions twice a week. After that, my insurance will only cover 8 more times, so I am hoping to be done with it before then. I used to really like my therapy and while it is improving my motor skills and ability to walk, it is no longer relieving any pain, in fact it is creating more pain. Some days after therapy I just cry because I am so sore. I am always exhausted for the rest of the day or night after my sessions. One of my physical therapists gave me a list of sliding scale physiciatrists that she thinks I should meet with. She said that she really thinks it will help with my pain. She said she knows I am being slammed with medical bills and the sliding scale will help cut the cost that my insurance isn’t good for. She also said if I can’t get a cheap enough appointment she will let me drop one day a week because I have progressed well so far and can be trusted with doing my exersizes religiously at home. She thinks mental therapy at this point is just as critical as the physical.
I think I am scared to talk to someone, because I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if they are going to know what to ask me, or if I am supposed to just tell them. I obviously have some issues to deal with, but I don’t know where to start. My pt said that is normal to be scared and that there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist. She even let me know that she has a therapist (for different reasons, of course) and was scared to contact them for help at first, but said it has helped her greatly with her issues. She told me to call when I am ready for it, but urged me to call soon because she so stongly thinks it will help. I might as well set up an appointment today. If it will help with this pain than I am foolish not to.
Anyway, since I am set on being positive today, I am going to try to get as much done as I can. There are some dishes to do, laundry to start, bills to pay and a handful of dreaded phone calls to make. I also need to shower and get to the doctors by 2:30pm. I am going to pace myself and if I can get at least half of those things done I will be very pleased with myself when I lay down tonight. Hopefully that will bring me another good day tomorrow.