That Didn’t Really Go How You’d Planned, Now Did It?

My children of the corn really think they are slick.

Or that I am stupid.

Or a little bit of both…

Mind you, these little brats are entering their teen years and have way more freedom than I did at the age of 16.

They are pulling stunts that I tried around that age, too.

Unfortunetly, (for them) I’ve pulled every trick in the book and their ideas are not original.

Poor fools, they might partially pull the wool over my eyes, but in the end they ALWAYS get caught.

Being the mother of two sneaky, bad asses, I officially declare it my mission to catch them in every act of household crime and make them pay in chores and the tourture of spending time with their smarter-than-we-think-you-are mother.

So what did they do this time? Here is a reinactment of last nights events and I will point out where I so obviously made my wrong move…

7:00pm phone call from Isaac:

“Mom, can we stay out longer, we aren’t hungry for dinner, we went to Dunkin’ Donuts

Me: I made you dinner, why did you go to DD?

Isaac: We were hungry

Me: Ugh, this is why I am tired of wasting time making dinner, don’t demand that I cook dinner when you aren’t going to eat it.

Isaac: We will heat it up when we get home, can you put it in the fridge? Can we have more time?

Me: Fine, be home at 8:30pm (muttering more about wasting time cooking)

Isaac: Okay, thanks Mom!

8:45pm phone call from Natalie:

“Hi Mommy, can Hanna sleep over?”

Me: You are late. No. Come home.

Nan: Please Mum! She is moving to..

Me: I said No. Come home.

Nan: But Mom! Please! We will be quiet and not fight with Isaac!

Me: Come home now, you slept out last night, don’t ask again! <click>

8:45pm phone call from Nan:

“Pleeeease?! Can she please sleep over?”

Me: No, you have 5 minutes to get home. Don’t ask again <click>

8:46pm phone call from Isaac:

“Hi Mom, can Hanna sleep over?”

Me: I said NO what don’t you understand about COME HOME!

Isaac: Please Mom! Natalie had a sleepover last night, this will be mine!

Me: Get home now! Stop asking the answer is no! NOW! <click>

8:46 pm phone call from Natalie:

Me: I said No! Come home now or you are punished tomorrow

Nan: Mom, PLEASE! She can’t go home, her parents aren’t there, they are at a concert!

Me: That is not my problem, the two of you need to come home now!

Nan: She can’t go home MOM!

Me: Then I am calling the police to tell them that her parents abandon her.

Nan: Mom! Please can she just sleep over? Pleaaa

Me: <click>

8:46 pm phone call from one of them:

Me: <decline>

8:46 pm phone call from one of them:

Me: <decline>

8:47 pm phone call from one of them:

Me: <decline>

8:47 pm phone call from one of them:

Me: <decline>

8:53 pm text message from Natalie:

Mom please. Shes neverr been able to and I really want her to. Mom please!!! Ill do chores. Just let her sleepover……………PLEEASEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: I said no and now you are both punished tomorrow

Nan: Mom, please! We barely have sleepovers at the house! (this statement is somewhat true… Depending on who is having the sleepover, it usually results in arguments, a trip to the hospital, all of the food in the pantry magically disapearing and/or the house being turned completely upside down) We will be nice to Isaac and this can be the only one of the summer, plus shes moving to Miami soon and we will be quiet. We will just be in the basement and on the computer and watch tv.

me: I said no.

me: Get home now

Nan: Mom, please!

8:54 pm phone call from one of them:

Me: <decline>

8:54 pm phone call from one of them:

Me: <decline>

8:55 pm phone call from me to Nan:

Me: Why aren’t you home yet?

Nan: Hi, Mom! Can we go to Faiths and watch a movie, her Dad said it was okay, Hanna is sleeping there, Faiths dad will walk us home when the movies over, can we please?

Me: MY MAJOR ERROR: Fine, but you ARE punished tomorrow, I will leave the door unlocked

Nan: Yay! We can Isaac! Thanks Mom! I love you!

11:40pm: I turn on the porch light, look outside and see my kids plus ANOTHER kid walking up toward the house. They see the light come on and I clearly see their panic set in.

Me to the cat: Those bastards think they are really slick, Spook.

I went out the back door to calmly wait for their next move. They obviously thought I’d be sleeping and that they could sneak this Hanna girl into my house for the sleepover without me knowing.

I am standing on the back steps and after a few minutes see Isaac walk towards the house, (they apparently were coming up with a “plan” in the case that I saw them) 30 seconds later Natalie walks toward the house.

Hmm, where’s the third one?

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Bang! A little purple shirt runs up the driveway and hides next to the bump out.

At this point I am watching the front door through the back window to see how they are going to proceed.

Nothing.

Finally my anger sets in and I go through the house, out to the front porch and catch a glimpse of Nan running up the driveway.

me: NATALIE!

Nan: oh, hi Mom!

me: Get in the house!

Isaac: Hi Mom

me: Let’s go!

they nervously walk towards me

Me: Where’s the other one?

Nan: There is no other one!

me: I saw her, where is she?

Nan: You don’t know what you’re talking about (love that)

me: I saw her. I’m calling the cops about the runaway (she isn’t a runaway- I was using a scare tatic)  in my drive way if you don’t get in this house!

Nan: Sorry, Mom.

12:00 am in the house:

me: Do your parents know where you are??!

Hanna: Yes

me: <a whole bunch of yelling and screaming at my kids> I’m not mad at you Hanna, I am mad at Natalie and Isaac. I know they put you up to this. You are both punished for the entire week. Give me your phones, ipods. No computer, no pool, no phones, no tv. ONE WEEK.

Isaac: Mom I love you, I’m sorry. Do you want me to do anything?

me: FOLLOW THE RULES!!!!!

So now the deviants are all sleeping in the living room. I contimplated driving her home last night, but it was midnight, and I am CERTAIN this was my kids plan that she niavely got sucked into.

The pool opens at 11:00 am, at that time I will be dropping Hanna off and driving the kids to the Home Depot. I’m buying a new weed wacker, mulch, some super heavy rocks and plants.

Yup, my kids have a very fun week of yard work ahead of them.

I hope it is as hot and humid as hell all week long. It will make it that much better when I’m in the air conditioned house barking the occasional orders at them.

Crossing off the list: Buy new pillows and find something GREAT on clearance (a new featherbed for $60 bucks, can’t beat it!) Totally random but the above story was much more interesting to share.

 

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “That Didn’t Really Go How You’d Planned, Now Did It?

  1. Ginger, First off, I like that you filed this under Self Control. Second, as I read this flash backs from raising my then teen daughter overwhelmed me! I couldn’t wait to see how you handled it at the end as I was always defeated from her unending persistance! Just like your evening, she got her way, but then had to deal with the punishment and I finally got to sleep!

    1. I am so glad you can relate. These kids are trying to get over on me left and right. This is my fault because I had always been the pushover and now I’m getting them in check. It’s going to be a long hard summer for all three of us, but I’m confident that I’m keeping my foot down. Hopefully they will learn sooner than later that they aren’t as smart as they think they are!

  2. Sorry you’re having teen troubles. It sounds all too familiar… except with me it wasn’t my sibs it was my cousin Bruce. We were 4 months apart in age and he was always the brainchild who got me into trouble… Well actually, I say that but I was always the one who went along with his schemes. I could have just said, “NO!” The only one that ever (almost) got me killed was riding the wild mustangs when we went visiting my Aunt Eva in Barstow, CA. LOL! ~ Lynda

    1. I can’t believe you rode a wild mustang! Wow, that must have been the thrill of a lifetime! My son, like your cousin, is a thrill seeker and can be an influence to others. I need to watch him like a hawk, I hope he will use his influencial powers in a good way. My fingers are crossed and I’m sleeping with one eye open until that day finally comes!

      1. As I recall, after I came to, it was the only time I ever saw my cousin look like he might faint…
        Bruce: “What’s that on your chin?”
        Me: “Dunno.” I looked down and blood started squirting all over!!!
        I still wear the hoof mark under my chin, and that was the only time I ever saw my dad lay into my cousin Bruce! But, I lived and I CAN laugh about it now. 😉
        Yeah, I know…
        Lynda

  3. Boy is this going to be one crazy summer…
    As always I love your writing style..captivating to the last word…
    P.S. love the “you can’t make this stuff up” tag and the resolution picture 🙂

  4. Wow…I suddenly regret all the stuff I put my mother through as a teen…
    but only because I’m gonna get the come-upance x3 from my own kids. 😉
    Good job not killing them. Or selling them on eBay. Or strapping them to the wall with duct tape. Household chores are a fantastic punishment; which means the UN will probably outlaw them any minute now. 😉

  5. Ginger. I have smiled and laughed a lot reading this. There’s so many things I want to comment on as it’s so nice to read your post and compare your children’s childhood with my own… Too much to comment now, but they’re really lucky they got you and you’re so there for them!
    – credit to the kids too though! (You probably won’t thank me for saying that) but seriously good effort to them!!

  6. Kids, smh…I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how my parents did it. I was an awful child and I looking back on those horrible teenage years filled with angst and rebellion I question how my parents survived. Oh, that’s right- they were self-medicated hippies…explains a lot. LOL!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s