This week has been testing to say the least.
When I woke up on Sunday, I admit, I was feeling positive, hopeful and dare I say it, somewhat happy. I took the kids to my parents and we had a very nice Easter dinner. There was no fighting, no yelling, no traffic, a lot of good food and an overall peaceful mood through out the day.
Then Monday rolled around and I woke up in a deep depression. I was so depressed, in fact, that I can’t remember a damn thing I did. I’m sure it involved a lot of crying, but other than that, I am clueless.
On Tuesday, I tried to make the best brownies ever to ship to Dacia for winning the contest I ran oh, A MONTH AGO, but they didn’t turn out AT ALL. As they sat in the oven, unbaking, I could see that they were boiling instead of setting. Those stupid things were in the oven for an hour an a half before I finally threw in the towel. My error? I took the “mix sparingly” a little to much to heart. The so called brownies had more lumps of flour balls in them than solid parts of brownie goodness. Disaster. Mind you, I’ve made these before and they are wonderful. Chalk it up to the fact that I have lost my mind.
By Wednesday, I was convinced that I was dying of pain, broken bones, internal bleeding and heartache but forced myself to truck on and get some things done, only because I knew it would make me feel a little more at ease. At 11:30 that night I couldn’t sleep because of the pain and forced my self to try an Epsom sat soak. It worked miracles.
Then came Thursday and I was feeling the best I have felt in three weeks. I was in the least amount of pain I had been in since this whole catastrophe, I was walking somewhat normal and it was the very first day in the past three weeks I didn’t cry. Not one tear.
Of course, today, I made for it by sobbing every other hour and feeling back to my normal stiff, achy pain filled self. All I want to do when I’m feeling like this is to curl into a ball, wail my lungs out, and drown in my tears. Obviously, I can’t do that so I just repeat to myself until I’m sensible “knock it off, he did this! You are doing the right thing.” I’m sure people
think can see that I’ve lost my mind when I’m repeating this mantra to myself in public areas, but you know what, I feel like I’ve lost my mind, so let them think it.
My bosses have been very supportive with me and are helping me out in ways that I cannot even begin to tell you. It’s funny when now that I look back at the times that I thought I was so alone and sometimes even felt disliked by everyone that now I can see clearly that there are so many people that I matter to. There are so many people who care and are offering help to me and the kids. I am forever thankful to my bosses, my coworkers, my family and my friends. Someday I will show them how much they are helping me, someway, somehow. Maybe I’ll make them all cupcakes but if that goes anything like the way I’ve been trying to make Dacia’s brownies, I’m sure it will be in like ten years before they actually get them.
I am going to make her the best brownies ever by tomorrow afternoon and get them shipped tomorrow. Sorry, Dacia. I suck x’s 2., keep the faith.
Looking back over the past three weeks though I have accomplished some things on my list:
- Reorganize the bathroom closet
- Get rid of 4 towels and replace with 4 new (I’ve actually decided this was stupid. We have 50 or so towels. We do not need any more, in fact I got rid of 6. Off the list and pat on the back for common sense)
- Take a bubble bath
- Purge old beauty products
Not too many things, but some is better than none and I’m taking life one day at a time. Getting out of bed in the morning when you want to flat out give up should be on the list, but it’s not (yet) so I’m happy with the 4 I did do from the list.